꩜ Door At The Top Of Your Head ꩜

Correspondence 21

Embarrassment☟

Earlier this week I ran into a former student at my gym (let’s call him Brian for now). I was working with a personal trainer and after exchanging a quick hello, attempted my first exercise - incline bench press. After one rep it was clear my trainer overestimated my upper body strength.

I was struggling in a big way, just a station or two over from Brian (who is rather ripped). Despite having no clear evidence of whether he saw me, I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. I don’t always love my body and at times find myself desiring a more ‘chiseled’ (kind of a gross word) physique. I have always ran/exercised primarily for mental health reasons but would be lying if I said body image didn’t enter the equation.

I was surprised however, by how quickly I allowed my embarrassment to subside. After a mediocre workout, I caught myself laughing. Feeling embarrassed sucks. I have taken many, many steps to avoid it over the years. Though as I enter my mid-thirties, feeling embarrassed isn’t so…embarrassing? Part of this, so it seems, is having more compassion towards myself.

That compassion has translated to a positive outlook shift in music as well. I no longer beat myself up after a mistake on stage and am more tapped into the moment and where the music is taking me. My confidence as a bandleader is growing largely in part (here comes another gym reference), because of the reps I’m putting in. I’ve played more shows this year than ever before. Each set, despite being a chance to embarrass myself, is also an opportunity to improve and connect with my bandmates, audience, and myself. I hope to have many more chances to embarrass myself in the future.

You Become The Demos☟

To celebrate You Become The Mountain coming out on vinyl later this year, I've released a collection of demos from 2019-2020 - raw, instrumental takes of tunes that would wind up on the album. I’m usually hesitant to share work in this stage, but listening back was a nice reminder of how my approach to songwriting has shifted (and improved) over the past couple of years and the importance of chipping away, continuing to chase the sounds you have in your mind. Big thanks to Sophie Sachar for nailing the design based off original album art by Bailey Elderberry.

If you are thinking of grabbing YBTM on vinyl (or any physical merch from me), now would be a wonderful time. To help support the fine folks who run fulfillment, all physical Arrowhawk Records merch is 20% off for the next week with the code ‘texas’ at checkout.

Tour Time☟

Speaking of chances to embarrass myself, I have a week’s worth of them coming up! Could not be more excited to be back on the road. Tickets for all east coast shows are on sale now. If you’re thinking of making it out, I’d so appreciate if you considered buying tickets in advance. Full lineups below. Art by Cody Hudson.

East Coasting ‘22:
August 10th - Catskill, NY at Avalon Lounge w/ Will Stratton, Camp Saint Helene and Stadiums & Shrines (DJ Set) (tickets)
August 11th - Brooklyn, NY at Purgatory w/ Zachary Cale, Nighttime, and Dave Keady (DJ Set) (tickets)
August 12th - Philadelphia, PA at Ortlieb’s w/ The Goobye Party, Lindsay Reamer, and Frances Quinlan (Hop Along, DJ Set) (tickets)
August 13th - Vineland, NJ at Sound Cabin w/ Credit Electric and Dead’s Head (tickets)
August 14th - Baltimore, MD at Metro Gallery w/ Small Sur and Whatie Mattiasich (tickets)
August 15th - Richmond, VA at House Show* w/ We Never and Kevin Knight*
August 16th - Washington, D.C. at Rhizome w/ Canandaigua, Heaven Forbid and Kevin Knight. (tickets)
* = dm for address

A Conversation with Julianna Barwick☟

My latest for The Creative Independent is a conversation with Los Angeles based composer, vocalist, and producer Julianna Barwick. I loved hearing Julianna speak to the value of slowing down, what a collaboration can teach you, and learning to say no. If you aren’t familiar with her discography, there is no bad place to start. Read the full interview here.

Headcleaner - July 2022☟

Every song I share to IG via Spotify is archived in my stories. For the past two years I’ve compiled a year’s worth of listening into playlists called Round Trip (2020, 2021). It frustrates me that you can’t take a selection of songs shared consecutively via stories and turn it into a playlist automatically. Rather than whine on Twitter some more, for now I’m going to make monthly ‘Headcleaner’ playlists just for newsletter subscribers. Listen to the July’s playlist here.

Reading, Watching & Listening To☟

Reading:
Acid For The Children - Flea (memoir)
The Age of Algorithmic Anxiety (New Yorker)
Such Great Heights: How Hot Topic Defined a Generation of Emo Kids (The Ringer)

Watching:
Bob’s Burgers: The Movie (Hulu)
VHS Tapes in the basement because there is heat wave in Portland (so far What About Bob? My Best Friend’s Wedding and Backdraft)
My wife absolute crush Tony Hawk levels (Switch)

Listening To:
This Massive Playlist by Four Tet
Earl’s Closet: The Lost Archive of Earl McGrath, 1970-1980 (Various Artists)
Color Green - Self Titled